JLBC TRUST
JLBC Cadets As human beings, it is our nature to want to be connected to our loved ones, to live in peace rather than pain, and to seek safety rather than fear. We have difficulty accepting that the things we believe should be good for us are not and that the people who should be good to us are not. For this reason, mistrust is almost as painful as having our trust betrayed because it goes against our natural inclination. JLBC Cadets We have to work hard to maintain the line of suspicion, to be suspicious, to hold on to the past as the evidence that keeps us alert to the possibilities of violation by someone we love. Because we want to trust, we find ways to ignore the signs, excuse behaviors, and deny our internal alarms and warning signals.
We want people to be who we believe they are, and in doing so, we open ourselves to opportunities for them to prove they are not full-time members of the trustworthy-people club. Trusting others means paying attention internally and externally without guilt or shame in knowing what you know. It means telling yourself the truth about yourself and others to the degree that you are willing to protect yourself without injuring or insulting them. It means having boundaries that are solid and consistent. It means choosing how to be in a relationship with others in a way that honors them and honors what you feel and know. There are times when drawing a hard line in the sand will protect you and people from themselves and their untrustworthy behavior that they cannot seem to control.
When it comes to trusting family members, we walk a tightrope that many of us struggle with. For some reason, logical or not, we believe that because we are related to someone by blood, they will not or should not have the same human frailties as the rest of the human race. We want to believe that parents will not betray or disappoint us; that uncles, cousins, or grandparents will not violate us; and that our siblings, whether older or younger, will keep us in a special place in their hearts.
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