This logical assessment has nothing to do with expecting people to “earn your trust.” To do that is to ask others to guarantee that they will not make any mistakes as they learn to live up to your expectations. That is not going to happen! People will make mistakes, and in doing so, they may hurt your feelings or sensibilities. This does not mean they cannot be trusted.

The logical assessment required in learning to trust others means that you must determine, through intimate contact and communication, whether or not who they are and what they do keeps you safe. And whether or not the way they are with you feels honorable and honest. JLBC Cadets When individuals never show up when they say they will, or when they always have a reason or excuse for not doing what they say they will, you can make the logical conclusion that they likely cannot be trusted with more important things, like your heart. JLBC Cadets This brings us to the emotional experience of trusting others.

We all have valid reasons not to trust people. People lie. People forget. People will do whatever they think they need to get what they want from someone else. People make mistakes. People are emotionally clumsy and negligent. People will consciously and unconsciously hurt our feelings and then deny or become defensive about what they have done.

When it comes to trusting others, it requires that we are willing to be vulnerable and risk being hurt. For average card-carrying human beings, allowing ourselves to be vulnerable and being taken advantage of is one of our greatest fears. This great fear, coupled with the fear of rejection, the fear of abandonment, the fear of failure, the fear of disappointment, the fear of being wrong, the fear of being ridiculed or of looking really stupid, and the fear of losing love, makes trusting others an almost impossible task.

Yet as humans, we crave companionship, connection, love, and intimacy with others. These cravings can and often make us hypervigilant about managing and controlling what others do and how they do it. You will not grow emotionally and learn to trust.

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